This is the true story of a life of mental pain from an undiagnosed malady--obsessive compulsive disorder--with the associated suffering of panic attacks and clinical depression. Several of the most debilitating episodes are detailed to try to insure the reader understands the effects of these disorders. I have written this account to enlighten the public of the plight the individual with obsessive compulsive disorder suffers and to encourage those with these symptoms to get professional help immediately.